In yesterday’s Meeting of the Titans we explored the challenges of business situations that didn’t end well, or even failed, and how to move forward from those experiences both personally and professionally.
The Member in focus shared that he was still working through the liquidation of a previous business and the process was sitting heavily with him, and affecting his current venture. He said “I’m feeling like I have less credibility when I’m talking to people” and was struggling to operate at his best with how he felt about it.
In response to this, one of the Brain’s Trust offered his experience of how he had had a business fail and how he eventually dealt with it, which went like this..
“Back in 92, my building company went down. A lot of debtors couldn’t pay me and that just sent me to the wall. It took me a long time to get over that. 18 years.
I was ashamed of it and wouldn’t talk to anyone about it and wouldn’t address it. I just kept it bottled up.”
He went on to explain that he eventually met a coach who helped him to unpack it, and realise that what happened wasn’t a reflection on him, or anyone. It was just what happened.
I have also been bankrupt. I remember going through that and how it shocked me to my core because I was a ‘green’, innocent young man at the time.
I basically felt like I was a failure. It can be hard right?! I get it.
I agree with the previously mentioned coach’s words of wisdom. Situations are not inherently good or bad, events don’t have an inherent meaning, it is only the meaning we give things which dictates how we experience them or feel about them.
That goes for everything.
Yes, even that one you might be considering right now.
The thing is, finding peace around something that hasn’t worked out how we’d hoped is more about moving beyond the meaning that we’ve placed upon it, and the feelings of guilt, shame and failure that we carry around it, than it is about other people’s reactions or opinions to it.
And whilst we are beating ourselves up or experiencing regret, we drag those feelings and therefore that past situation with us into our present. This affect us in subtle, yet profound ways, making it harder to operate at our best and more likely that we will project a similar experience into our future.
It is only through moving beyond the meanings we’ve assigned to things and the feelings that have been created from there, that we can stop being a hostage to the past and gain closure.
